I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
