she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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