Cold hands, warm shart.
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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