So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
