your thong is hanging out like whoa
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
