hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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