i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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