i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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