My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
