I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Randomize
