Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
