can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
