i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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