yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
