just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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