what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
