It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
