You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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