Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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