plz talk dirty to me
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
