the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
