At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize