When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
