Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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