It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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