come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
