i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
they're like a gay fantastic four
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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