dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Randomize