I didn't shave. On purpose
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
