You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize