i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
