I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
