Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize