Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
