You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
it's like heaven, but drunker
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
