My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
