my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize