Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
