how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize