Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
