is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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