i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize