So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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