there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
