i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Randomize