im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I wish I only lived at night.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
