In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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