Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
