I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
