So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Randomize
