my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
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