she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
