Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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