Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize