My hand turned me down
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
