Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
We had to coat check the pizza.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
