How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
