I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
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