So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
