All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
