A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
