ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Randomize
