You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
youre lurking in front of me
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
