My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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