My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
