Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
