I smell stomach acid.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
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