And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
