Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
