I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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