Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I think I sprained my soul last night
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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