she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
