woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Randomize
