You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
