Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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