i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
