My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
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