I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
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