soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
