I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
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