Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
