Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
