so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
