Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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