i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
