Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
