Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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