the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
