Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize