Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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