my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
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