i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
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