I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Randomize
