Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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