i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize