you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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