I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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