someone get that fucking seahorse.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Too much gin, very little bucket
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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