i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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